Monday, September 24, 2012

The Most I Can Do

Were I to reach out at all to my sibling, it would look like this.  There is nothing else I can do for her, another casualty in her war on healthy family dynamics.

Dear [Sister],

I know what you’re looking for.  You won’t find it with purses, or in boxes, or from stores.  It doesn’t come with a price tag.  I know because, I was looking for it too, and to a degree, still am.

Find a therapist.  Find someone who will listen to you, who will actively listen to what you have to say.  And say it all.  Everything.  Don’t leave anything out. 

And get away from our mother.  Even if it’s across town, just get away.  It gets harder, but it gets better.  Breaking away, I mean.  If you do nothing else, trust me on this.

I have things, including parts of my life, which I very much want to share with you, but until you realize how much better off you will be without our mother and begin to act accordingly, I can only reach out like this.

Find help.  Find it sooner, not later. 


With Love,
LSV

8 comments:

  1. You should send this. What have you got to lose.

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    1. My sister still lives with our mother, so I risk opening up the NC floodgates, though my mother has never followed those rules to begin with anyway. I'm just not sure sending this (via snail mail - the only means of contact I have available to me right now) is worth whatever repercussions would result. Perhaps my mother will reload her cannons if I do send this. Add to that, my sister couldn't last 2 weeks at college about an hour away from home...in the same state. It's been a healthy debate in my house about this. If I do send it, it would be closure for me, that I've done all that I could right now, and she's got do display the inner strength to start the Break. My wife and I agree that she doesn't have it, at least not now.

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  2. To the N-doctrinated, rational advice is an ultimatum, concern is judgment, and experience is grudge holding lack of forgiveness. I feel you on this, my younger and only sibling lives at home and has been claimed by Camp NM and her broken hearted blame brigade. We are not a lifeline. We are the enemy. Sending it would be pearls to swine.

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    1. Which is one of the reasons I'm holding out on sending anything. There's a very good chance it'll be taken as an affront and it'll be more ammunition for them.

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  3. I guess I'm kind of with Q, but I understand your reservations. Still, given she seems to be on a suicidal bent, you could tip the scales back in her favor. What more could your NM do to you than she's already done?

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    1. Well she hasn't yet shown up at my place of employment and I wouldn't put it passed her or my father to do that. One of the potential outcomes could be that they decide to show up here, unannounced. In that case, I call the police. Still, they could do that ANYWAY without me sending the letter. Gah, see, it's like walking on ice in complete darkness.

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  4. Hard to say which way to go. My husband, sister, and counselor all tried to tell me what bad news my mother was, I finally listened. If you send it, she may not respond right away but it will give her something to think about as time passes.

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    1. Indeed. As a possible alternate response rather than her taking it as an affront, she could just hang onto the letter and digest it for awhile. And she may do that simply because it's ME. But maybe I'm putting too much "specialness" on myself when I think that it is only I that has the power to sway her.

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