Monday, August 13, 2012

Two Soldiers

Dream: I had a dream wherein I was a female soldier of some kind, a Marine I’m pretty sure.  I was in the back of a helicopter or plane awaiting my time to execute a low-altitude jump.  I was behind a male soldier.  We got the go-ahead to jump and we did.  Under us, I saw rocky cliffs and ledges, trees, and the male soldier.  I knew my chute was deployed, though I didn’t feel it open.  I didn’t see the male soldier’s chute, and he wasn’t making any flailing movements either, in the “oh shit oh shit oh shit help me” sort of way.  He just dropped down into the over-brush.  I saw him smash onto the side of a large outcropping of rocks.  He resembled a crash test dummy, slamming into the rocks, limbs aloof.  I dropped down, landed next to him.  He was bloody, but not as much as I thought someone should be after free-falling into rocks.  He pointed his gun at me when I got to him.  He was telling yelling at me to “just go, just go”.  I went, but not before I watched him die.

Analysis: There are two pieces of me here – the male soldier and the female soldier.  I believe the female soldier is some emotional part of me.  I’m stereotyping here, but typically, women are more in tune/touch with their emotions than men are, and knowing that, and the fact that I objectify women leads me to believe that this female is my emotional side, or my emotions themselves perhaps.  She follows my male side, the side that is in control of me now.  The underdeveloped side, so to speak.  He landed hard, very hard and subsequently died.  Perhaps this is a reflection of what I want and what needs to happen: my “male” side, the side with all of my destructive behaviors, needs to die, and my emotional side needs to be in the lead.  “She” will be thrust into a leadership role and will have to learn the hard way, but learn “she” will.

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