In the past nine months or so, my Once-Dear-Friend has emailed me twice. The older of the two emails went a little something like this:
LSV, I was going through some old pictures and came across one of you and your family. I hope you and your family are doing well.
The more recent one that I received in the last few months went this way:
I’m still here. I still care.
Admittedly, I did not save them as, erroneously, I thought them unimportant. Ignore and it goes away I thought. Not likely, and not with people with whom I have a demented, parasitic bond with.
Somewhere in ODF’s mind, he really thinks he does care, that he’s being the “bigger person” because he’s still reaching out to me even though I’m not reciprocating. All the while, he’s told me straight out, that out of “common decency” he’d still respond to my mother when she contacts him, despite when I requested he didn’t and that all communication made me uncomfortable. I believe he was using his faith as a base for this decision, and he couldn’t see that he was forcibly and intentionally ruining whatever friendship we had left at that time.
I did not respond to his emails, I’ll point out, but I didn’t do anything further than that either, like talk about it, or write about it, which I should have.
He knows I’m not in contact with my mother anymore and yet he maintains his relationship with her. He has no respect for the friendship we had, that’s for sure, and you know, he’s never really had respect for me either. I’ve always felt a second class citizen to him, and I’ve told him this. He brushed me off saying it was my fault I felt that way and that of course, he was sorry I felt slighted. Not that he was sorry he was the source of the feelings, but sorry for the way I felt. Took no responsibility for that one methinks.
Maintaining a relationship with him while knowing that he will respond to my mother out of common decency is a fool’s errand. He will report back to my mother whether I want him to or not and he will end up being a spy for her, though he will see it as just tell her the facts of what he knows about me. And of course, being a “decent human being”. Yes, he said that. He’s also placed the blame on me for the estrangement with my mother, and not that it was her behaviors. Actually, he needn’t know those details, but as a best friend, should have respected my wished regardless. He didn’t and proved he is not a best friend, a friend, an acquaintance.
He may actually wish my family well, and may still care but I’m not sure how far that really goes. I suspect he’s playing the blame game still and it lies squarely on my and my family’s shoulders. We’re the ones who need to reconcile, he thinks. We’re the ones way off base. Since, ODF, can’t or won’t see what I’m telling him, there was no choice really but to end my friendship with him. He couldn’t be trusted and he did that to himself. I’m reacting or possibly being proactive in my behaviors.
I think he “cares” insofar as he doesn’t mean for any physical harm to come to us (that would be ungodly) but he doesn’t actually have my best interests at heart. How can he when his god is Number 1 in his own life to begin with. I’m not saying I need to be number 1, but I am saying that when I request for him to stop doing something because it hurts me, AND I’m supposed to be his best friend, I expect him to do it. That’s having my best interests at heart.
So, he’s reaching out to maintain some sort of “holier than thou” attitude, and a secondary reason could be to report back to my mother. I don’t know what they say, or how they say it. I believe ODF has straight up told my mother something like “LSV told me not to talk to you."
Way to be on my side there ODF.
Way to dodge all responsibility.
We have no friendship now, he made sure of that. It is unfortunate that he chose my mother over me, but I can’t say I’m entirely surprised by it. My mother’s tentacles spread themselves far and wide, infecting many, he was just the latest casualty, or willing victim, or fellow conspirator.