So I haven't spoken to my father since this and even then I didn't really speak with him. Over time he's sent me various voice mails attempting to sweep my feelings and my letter under the rug, claiming that throwing away my blood family "is not a good idea", and by simply not addressing any issues of concern at all.
I've not responded to his efforts of contact and to date I have not heard from him since well before Thanksgiving.
Until today. Today I found the following message in my email with the subject line, Life:
It's truly a real shame and a tragedy LSV that for what ever reason that you conjured up, or should I say you and [wife], and I apologize for any misspelling, to take away, and in some cases make enemies of, your self and your new family from your side of family. You have no good reason to act this way LSV. Nobody beat you like my dad did to me and would draw blood till I couldn't sit for taking old gum and chewing it Or kneel on rice for talking back till I couldn't kneel any more. This was all by the age of 9. And then at 10 it made it all up to us kids by leaving us with no dad at all for the rest of my life. If that's not enough for you. Wait till u hear [my wife's] story. Hers makes mine look like a love story. So your excuses LSV are lame at best. Grow up and open your eyes and your heart to really see....
We all love you so much.
So THAT'S fun.
A million things ran through my head and I'm going to attempt to get them at least somewhat in order.
My reasons for cutting contact with people who were not healthy for me to be in a relationship with were made up, not real, and at the end, lame excuses at best. This means that what I feel is not valid according to him and I don't have any clue of what I'm doing.
He clearly stated that my wife has enemies on "my side of the family" which indicates to me that he still doesn't see that my "family" is the one that I have chosen to create -- my wife and kids.
He apologizes for the misspelling of my wife's name, but I'm certain both he and his wife know exactly how to spell my wife's name now. So no, he's not sorry, and I think it was an additional jab at me and my wife.
He asserts that simply because I wasn't beat or bloodied as a child then everything was fine. Emotional abuse doesn't exist for this man, or anyone else he knows for that matter. Eat, sleep, do as you're told, breathe, and everything is fine, so obey me and honor me. That's how he thinks. Truthfully, I didn't know much ... actually, I didn't know anything about his childhood, because he never took the time to talk to me about himself. He was too busy pleasing everyone else, and being involved with his own family of which I was not to be a part of (his own family was is second wife and her children and their new set of friends). I was just a kid from a failed first marriage, and I think he tried to convince himself that he should be attentive to this, his only blood son as he would say, but really, he didn't really care. I am sorry for that little person my father has inside, and it is so evident that he didn't tend to his little person. That little guy is so raw and beaten, there may be no coming back for him and certainly my father won't look inside himself to free his caged and wounded inner child. In fact, I'm pretty sure he'd think that was a load of nonsense and he will turn and has turned to God for that kind of help. God can't help with everything Dad, some of that's got to come from you.
But this was a sob story I think, to guilt me into changing my ways I suppose, his only tactic that he uses against me. I see through it, and I wonder how much we could have connected if he opened up about his past before all his garbage forced me to end contact with him.
He wants me to "grow up" so I can "really see". Funny thing is, I am doing just that, but, it's totally backfiring on him. He wants me to see what HE wants, and what HE thinks. Then of course, he ends with "we all love you so much" and yet...he's told me that I was infantile, I didn't have valid thoughts and feelings, he was attempting to manipulate me, my reasons for being are lame and fake.
What perfect time for Upsi's post about Love and Respect. I'm not sure if he really loves me. I believe that was just a phrase he thinks he's supposed to use.
He can be that kind of parent and granddad to his family over there. That's not needed or wanted in my family thankyouverymuch.
Holy Baloney. Lots of puns intended there.