I recently blew up at my wife in front of our two small children. I left immediately afterward because I couldn't be there.
I was standing in the front porch and thinking about what I had just done, I started to cry. I felt awful for what had just happened. I felt remorse. It was a wonderfully awful feeling, but I was feeling it. I did not push that feeling away. Instead I let myself be enveloped by it, I let it wash over me, and puddle at my feet. I thought about the look on my wife's face, I thought about the two small people behind me.
And I cried.
I went back into the house and apologized for screaming as I had to my children and kissed them on the forehead. I apologized to my wife for erupting as I did.
I have not had such a reaction to my own behavior like this in a very long time. I relish the fact that I can feel appropriately. My behaviors were out of line and I knew it. My eruption is a result of my unearthing deeply stagnant and stunted emotions. It will be a challenge for me to work with myself to right these wrongs, but I am so wonderfully satisfied that I was able to feel so appropriately awful.
But not completely satisfied - I want more feeling and I believe I'm working my way there.