Monday, August 8, 2011

What Dreams May Come

I was sprinting through a mall. My legs pounding on the tiled floor struggling to build speed. I was trying to churn my legs as quickly as possible but I just wasn't going as fast as I thought I should be. I saw people I used to know go by - people from high school mainly. Their eyes wide as a I ran by, but not saying anything.

I was outside a roadside convenience store on what looked like a derelict part of New York City streets. A blue metal gate was locked in front of me. Another man was next to me - I knew him somehow but I can't recall a face or how I knew him. We were attempting to get over and we did, but another fence/gate blocked our way. I don't know why we wanted in this convenience store.

I was on the opposite side of the street as what I think was an undercover police vehicle - it was some sort of supercharged Ford Focus. The female officer came over to me and asked for my license and registration. When I opened the glove compartment, I was covered in opened mail and what I think was bills.


I'm not sure if those dreams were all part of the same one or separate bits from separate dreams. As I've said, I'd like to begin writing as much of my dreams that I can remember.


  1. The first part seems like an urgent search for something. The letters make me think of the crap your NM writes!

  2. Running away from or running to something. For myself, running is usually about trying to escape. Some interesting possibilities in this.

  3. The first part was most obviously me running from my past, but not getting very far very fast. I saw peopel from my past, and they ment very little if anything at all. Then I was locked out of something, perhaps an idea I'm stuggling to understand. Then the last part, I'm innundated with stupid crap where something important is supposed to be.

  4. I have already thanked your wife, and now I want to thank you. My husband was an ACoN (he is deceased), and I am not. I was always bewildered by some of the judgements he pronounced on himself because they were so far from the truth. I figured out early on, after dealing with his FOO, that he had internalized and believed as truth what they said about him -- and none of it was positive.
    As an example, he told me very often during our dating that he was inordinately stubborn and maybe not the one I should be with -- he said he was afraid his stubbornness would hurt me one day. I was put on notice and, being somewhat scared, watched for any signs of inordinate stubbornness, but I found none. Then we had some visits with his FOO -- and at EVERY VISIT I was told by them that he was stubborn. Took a while, but I finally questioned them. In what way? I haven't seen it.
    And I was told of his unforgiveable stubbornness, and re-told this SAME STORY over and over:
    "Oh, when he was in kindergarten you know what he did??? He wouldn't sit at his desk and every day he would lay on the floor and get his white shirt dirty. And even the teacher couldn't get him in his chair. He IS so stubborn."
    My DH was embarrassed and admitted, at each telling of the same story, that it was true and that he stubborn. Nothing I could say or do could convince him that that was NOT abnormal for a child!
    Until one day I said to him "You know, you're not being very nice. You have no right as a 38-year-old man to judge a 6-year-old child by adult standards."
    From the perspective of my background that story is kinda' cute -- IF it was in the mosaic of stories about his childhood. But it was NOT. It was the story told ad nauseaum to prove that he IS stubborn and a bad boy.
    Thank you for your blog from the viewpoint of the adult son of N parents.
    - Sad Widow

  5. Sad Widow- I'm so sorry that you were forced to deal with your late husband's horrible parents. I am sorry that I forced my wife to suffer the slings and arrows of my parents. I hope now that you see that they're people that cannot and should not be communicated with, you are able to strengthen and empower yourself. I am at the very beginning of my most difficult journey. Thank you for sharing part of yourself with this community. Support is here. I have to keep reminding myself of this.

    All the best,