Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Sides

Several days after this, my once-dear-friend sent me this:

LSV,
Since you haven't gotten back to me I simply sent your mom a short message saying that you asked me not to contact her, that I was going to respect that wish and that you and your family are all safe and healthy to the best of my knowledge.

Once-Dear-Friend

So, he not only expressed to my mother some pieces of a conversation he and I had about her - which I expected to stay between he and I - but he contacted her even when I told him not to.

He does not have the friendship he claimed to care about in his mind at all. He has put "common courtesy" above all else and in doing so has effectively said that he doesn't care about me at all. His "common courtesy" is completely disrespecting me and the friendship we had. He does not do well with change. He is too pompous and on-high to see anything but what he wants, even if it's his supposed best friend expressing to him something that he really needs.

I don't believe he's got any idea what friendship is.
I don't believe he's got my best interests in mind.
I don't believe him when he says he cares.

It's dead Once-Dear-Friend. Our friendship is dead, and YOU killed it.

He's a real piece of work that guy.

10 comments:

  1. "He's a real piece of work that guy." and he's a few pickles short a jar!

    (Also see the comment I left for Jonsi.)

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  2. Oooo... a few pickles short a jar... I have to add that to my list.

    I also left a comment over at Jonsi's blog.

    "Common courtesy" is being defined by ODF, but it is not my definition. Common courtesy would dictate that he respect you, not only your NM. He could have maintained CC by simply writing her and saying, "I hope all's well with you" and sent. He did not need to say anything at all about you, your family, and especially not your conversation. It is not CC to share a confidential conversation or to make sure that someone else is painted as the villain, because he didn't want to accept responsibility for the decision. *insert dramatic sigh and a hand to the forehead* Poor ODF, so put upon. He could have exercised common courtesy. He didn't. He played the manipulation game.

    LSV, there really are people out there who actually do understand and practice common courtesy, rather than pretending, and as you grow healthy, you'll attract them, because they're looking for that too.

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  3. Judy, I absolutely love your comment.

    Your observation is spot on!

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  4. Hilarious that he says he "simply" wrote that you don't want him to contact her. Like it was the LEAST he could do. Coulda made it a hellava lot simpler than that. More like he SIMPLY doesn't give a fuck what you want!

    Friendships die, especially if they've been on life support for quite a while. Pull the plug.

    xo
    upsi

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  5. In my opinion connections, links from the past, old friends that were part of our lives are all difficult to let go simply because of the feeling of free fall into a new adventure is a bit scary. New friends you have, I have read the comments on your blog and you have new friends. Connections are like releasing the ties to a dilapidated peer that is crumbling from abuse. Do you really want to be tied there? Links from the past are some times like fish hooks that bury under the skin but only do harm and need to be cut. Is it hard? Yes. Sad? Yes. How you handle this friend that doesn't behave like one is up to you. Dear Abby always asked, Would you be better off without them?

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  6. I'm really angry with your 'friend'! It's all about him. His (bullshit) need to be courteous beats your need to have no contact with your mum? Good God what a liar. He wants to be in the middle, he wants it.

    Jonsi, one day I hope I'll get to where you are with your family :)

    EnglishM

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    Replies
    1. Yes, once-dear friend was more concerned with how he looked and "common decency" rather than maintaining a healthy friendship. He really did chose sides and it was not mine.

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  7. ..."to make sure that someone else is painted as the villain, because he didn't want to accept responsibility for the decision. *insert dramatic sigh and a hand to the forehead* Poor ODF, so put upon. He could have exercised common courtesy. He didn't. He played the manipulation game....

    AND,

    ..."Good God what a liar. He wants to be in the middle, he wants it."...

    YES. He is a pot-stirrer, a user, a LIAR. He is trying to be in the middle of the "action" withOUT assuming ANY responsibility for HIS CHOICE to be there.

    He's most likely also an N. The self-aggrandizement is evident in everything he says. I know this (basically exact same) guy. I have just excised him from my life after 30 years of "friendship." I can see him clearly now as the total creep that he is.

    And I am absolutely CERTAIN that the first thing he did was run to my N-sister to share his "confusion" and "anger". Good riddance.

    ReplyDelete