Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Cars

I had a dream last night and I can’t remember much, but I remember this:

I was in the car with my family (my wife, my kids) and there was another car filled with my mother, my sister, and other non-descript family of origin members. I could not see their faces but I knew that’s who they were. I got out of my car and walked over to the other vehicle. My mother was already crying, not hard, but just under her breath. I looked at my sister and I could tell she was angry with me. I told her how she needs to get away from these people, they will only hurt her. She lashed out at me, kicking, yelling and screaming. My mother openly cried hard. I felt I had spoken my piece and walked away from the car, got into my car with my family and that’s when I awoke.

.W.h.o.a.

My analysis: I began in the car with my family - my wife, my children. I see this as where my loyalties are. Were I to begin anywhere else, I would have said perhaps they lie elsewhere. I got out of my car and walked over to the car with my family of origin. I can see how this might seem that I am abandoning my family, however, I felt in the dream that I was confident enough in what I Saw, in the Truth, that I could go over to the other car and be unaffected. At the other car, I explained to my sister the Truth about the family, how toxic they really were. Even with my mother crying I was calm, and resisted manipulation efforts. I saw how my sister reacted and felt that I had done what I could and I could not spend more time at this car with my mother weeping, and my sister following suit. I was satisfied with my actions and my efforts and calmly went back to the car to the family in which I belong. I believe I was showing myself that I was no longer a part of my family of origin; that it was not my responsibility who could make my sister See what was going on; that I had the ability to resist the negativity and manipulation of my family of origin; that I truly belong not with my family of origin, but with a healthier, more loving family - the family I helped to create. I was not sad when I woke up. I was pensive. I would even say I was satisfied with myself for having the confidence to stand up (even in a dream) for what I believe to be right. Now, I know this wasn't focused on my family, it was more focused on me and my feelings, my behaviors, but I don't see this as a negative. I had no negative feelings toward my family, in fact I was satisfied to be back where I belong.

4 comments:

  1. Sounds like a meaningful dream. Having spent many hours in cars, I identify with the metaphor of "what car you ride in." Too bad your cars aren't traveling the same general route, or even moving in the same direction.

    I'm glad this brought you a bit of peace.
    xo
    upsi

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  2. I love the word "pensive"! (deeply or seriously thoughtful, often with a tinge of sadness) IMO it is "normal" for us to recognize the dysfunction in our FOO while always retaining "a tinge of sadness" for what might have been. However misguided, unlike them, we do still have some feelings for our FOO.

    It's similar to the death of a loved one. Two or three months after my DH died, my NM ordered me to "get over it" and I replied, "I'll never get over it." I've learned cope and create a different kind of life but there will always be that tinge of sadness for my lost love.

    Your dream is very significant and enlightening!

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  3. This dream is definitely about you and where you are in your personal journey to becoming healthy. It sounds like you're well on your way. Good for you, though it is sad when you realize you've done all you are able, and it isn't accepted. Now, you'll teach those lovable children about healthy boundaries and what love really means.

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  4. Upsi- our cars were going nowhere, they were both stopped. Peace it did bring, not complete but more than some, that's for sure.

    Mulder- I thought pensive was most appropriate. The message when I awoke was definately resonating still; I was thinking but also satisfied, but also sad knowing what my realization was.

    Judy- I believe now I can most certainly teach my children what it means to be healthy (at least more so than I could before) and that is super important.

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