Monday, May 2, 2011

Assualt: Alpha Wave

So it begins...

My father called my cell phone last night:
"Hey LSV, it's Dad. I have some stuff for the kids to drop off. Or we can get together for dinner one night this week if you want. Ok let me know."

Red flags everywhere. Even more so for my wife who can actually See.

1. He never said what the "stuff" was. My wife and I both postulated that because he never disclosed where the stuff came from or what it was coupled with the fact I sent my No Contact letter just last week, the "stuff" must actually be the Christmas presents my mother said she had.

2. My father and his wife don't usually just have "stuff for the kids". My step mother may have gotten something (she has on rare occasion done this), but I am less inclined to believe this because of the "or we can meet for dinner" part.

3. Why would my father want to meet me for dinner just to drop stuff off for the kids? Now, my father has never been good at communicating so it very well could be that he wanted to have dinner with everyone and just didn't say that, but I am not inclined to believe that currently.

4. The last time my father and I went out to dinner alone was in June of 2010. He proceeded to tell me how I should forgive everyone and I don't have to make the choices I was making (presumably about my wife and my mother).

5. He routinely talks to my mother even though they have been divorced for over 20 years. He has shown me that he is not on my side and I'm beginning to realize that quicker now.

6. He is not reliable and has ulterior motives, therefore, I can't fully believe him when he says something as simply as "I have stuff for the kids" or "let’s go out to dinner".

I returned his phone call about a half hour he called me. I have not yet heard from him. This is not unique though: he does not call me back in a timely manner. He never as. And he's flat out told me that I'm around fourth on his priority list: after God, his wife, and his family. I guess I'm not really his son?

Nah, never have been, huh “dad”.


  1. I am so right there with you, LSV. Now that you've drawn a boundary, asked for time away - Daddy is all the sudden phoning you! Coincidence? Perhaps. Flying Monkey? Likely. "Forgive everyone?" Sounds like an enabler to me. "Stuff for the kids" sounds like an excuse. Meeting for dinner sounds like a trap. You know what I think at my gut level?

    Mind your own goddamn business, Daddy Dearest.

    The narcs love to send others in to fight their battles for them. Poor victimized NM, so confused, so innocent! If she wants to talk, she's going to have to do it herself.

    And I predict she's a "phone only" kind of gal. I've got a mom like that too. If she can't talk over you, interrupt you, and intimidate you into backing off, she doesn't want to come out and play.

    Stay strong, everything is okay. You don't need to react to anything that happens, take all the time you need to THINK and FEEL.

  2. My father is most certainly an enabler and his religious views foster that kind of behavior - that's where the "forgive everyone" comes in.

    My wife and I were talking about my mother once, and he even agreed that she can be fake. His words, "yeah, I can see that, I could see that she could act that way". And now he's fighting battles for her?

    THAT'S why I can't believe him anymore.

  3. I can hear the "chip, chip, chip" at your borders up here in Canada. It's great that you recognize an attack, even when it comes through the back door.

    Also proves that you're definitely on the right track.

  4. Right track indeed.

    Tell you hurts knowing that both my parents do not have my best interest at heart....

  5. It is indeed, a terrible truth to face, LSV. No getting around it, it's painful. But think about this: for you, it's the loss of an IDEA. For them, it's the loss of YOU. They are losing out, big time, because they are unwilling to change. I'm not saying this to make light of your pain, your pain is very real. But, this is the choice they are making. Yours doesn't have to be the same.