In truth, I want to believe everything I've read on these blogs, AND what my wife says, I just have a very difficult time hearing it and, more than that, accepting it. She constantly tells me that I have to put myself in a place of extreme duress, that I have to push myself WAY out of my comfort zone because my comfort zone is....destructive in every way possible. She's right, I know she is, but I struggle to feel that it's right. If I feel that she's right, then I'm to accept that my entire family of origin is unhealthy to a point that they
I am scared.
I am weak.
I have hurt the most important person in my life more than I'd ever care to imagine and I feel there's no coming back from that. See my downward spiral!!! I still feel that I require some kind of contempt for what I've done to my wife and perhaps that's a step in the right direction...
I told her today that this was the first real relationship I've ever had...and I'm not sure how to ... do it.