My sister was born to my mother and step-father when I was about nine years old - so for nine years I was numero uno in my family of origin. That made me the Golden Child. My grandmother came to live with us at the time to help take care of me and my newborn sister. This memory takes place around the time my sister was a year old so I was just about 10 years old.
My mom put my infant sister on my bed with me whilst I was reading something (a comic perhaps). I had a dark blue blanket on my bed - actually everything in my room was blue. My sister was in pink plopped not in the middle, but close enough to the edge of the bed that she could easily fall off should her baby self roll that way. My mother walked out of the room, leaving my sister and I alone (at least, I think we were alone - my grandmother was living with us at the time, and I can't recall if she was in the room with us). I remember looking up and the rest seemed to happen in slow motion:
my sister leaned over to the edge of the bed and proceeded to roll off. I saw her falling and tumbling in mid air and I felt like there was nothing I could do. She landed with a dull thump on the back of her head and started screaming.
Here's where it blurs -- I can't remember what happened right after my mother walked in, but in the next moment I was in my mother's room looking up at my balling mother and sister. Yes, my mother was crying right along with her baby daughter. Additionally, I felt as if my mother was blaming me for my sister falling off the bed. I don't recall what was said, but I remember very distinctly the feeling of being blamed for my sister's Great Fall. This left the back of her head slightly more flat for the rest of her life and we were able to laugh about it years later, but still, I always felt like it was my fault my sister fell off the bed.
And now I ask myself: why would a mother leave an baby who can barely sit up with a 10 year old and expect the 10 year old to know what to do? Why would a mother put that child so close to the edge of bed....THEN WALK OUT OF THE ROOM? Why would a mother blame her son for allowing his sister to fall off his bed?
Because the mother could do no wrong and would never fully accept that she was a mother without conscience, a mother without empathy, a mother without a soul.