But I did it. Finally. After two years of trying, I sent my sister a letter and some information that is one of the most crucial pieces of the anit-Narc puzzle, the 25 Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers.
I hand wrote the letter to show that I actually put thought and effort in. The other info was typed and printed in a separate envelope.
What I sent to my sister:
I know what you’re looking for; I was looking for it too.
We both came from the same dysfunctional family and we’re both trying to escape it, but we’re going about it in different ways.
Please, think for yourself, speak for yourself, educate yourself. I love you, I miss you, I’m concerned for your wellbeing, even though you may not believe that or are being told that’s not the case.
Please find a therapist and a true support system because right now you aren’t looking in the right place. If you are willing to rethink your current situation, here is some reading material that might help you. These have helped me: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward; Who’s Pulling Your Strings by Harriet B. Braiker; Homecoming by John Bradshaw; Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown; and www.luke173ministries.org
There are people out there who can help you.
I wish I could help you more, but at this point, it’s your decision on how you break free.
If you are willing and able to make major changes in your life, things can be very different. They can be better.
And that’s it. No beating around the bush. My message was clear: get out of that family; I love and care about her; she needs to help herself. I sent this to her while she was in the hospital, on the 4th day. But wouldn’t you know it; she was discharged the day she was supposed to receive the letter. Thankfully, the hospital will forward on the letter, so now whether she gets it is sort of in the air. It could be intercepted.
It’s nagging at me now. I know I sent the letter for my own peace of mind, not for my sister, though the information and me reaching out I hope will do some good, like plant some seeds of self-thought or something. I’m glad that I reached out as best as I’m able now, but the fact that she didn’t get it yet, seems to be pulling me to floor, shoulders being pulled from their sockets, knuckles dragging, feet barely lifting from the ground. I don’t know if she’ll receive it, if she’ll ever receive it and that results in a ridiculously nagging voice urging me to somehow check on the status of the letter. Stop it nagging, it’s out of my hands now.