Friday, April 22, 2011

In The Mail

I put my "No Contact" letter in the mail today. It went a little something like this:

Mother,
You will no longer be allowed access to my family. You have expressed yourself quite clearly about my marriage and my wife. Your behaviors have shown me that you are either unwilling or incapable of change. I am happy and satisfied with my life choices. You need to deal with that. You have taught me tremendously destructive and evil behaviors that I have to fix. I will not forget this. I gave you many chances to treat me as an adult, as a loved one, as a human being. You chose not to. You have not respected me or my family and I will not allow this any more. Do not contact me.
Lifesizevision


I feel like I just punched my past life right in the kidney. And an elbow drop to the gut.

I am nervous. I expect a barrage of emails and phone calls from the army of narcissists, and part-narcissists, and friends of narcissists that my mother has amassed. I expect my father to be involved which is so incredibly disappointing to me.

This was my point of no return. It was my take the road less traveled moment. I am scared. I feel that I must expect the unexpected and at the same time expect the expected.

Currently, I am too busy being nervous to feel relieved, but I think that's because this step was so totally massive for me. I want to feel free but I'm so trapped in myself to feel that way right now.

OH I'm a mess.

5 comments:

  1. I am proud of you! It is a powerful thing to stand up for yourself and I think this is a first (or second, or third?) step towards doing that. This brief, but explicit note shows that you have Seen through your NM, and her charades and you aren't going to stand for her abuses anymore. Let the shit fly, as they say, you'll be okay. You now have a strong FOC standing by your side - they will do all they can to help you through this.

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  2. Take all the time you need, LSV. The fact that you feel punched, gutted, and afraid means you're doing the RIGHT thing, your body is reminding you of all the times you've "stepped out of line" before, but this time, you can remain safe. I wrote this post during a time of reflection and I think it might help you feel more calm and confident that you're doing the right thing for yourself:

    http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2010/07/indefinite.html

    Yes, as your body so vividly tells you, they're coming for you. But you have a choice about how you'll react, what you'll allow, and where you'll draw the line. Don't let anyone take that away from you, because if one thing's for sure, they'll try to.

    Viva La Resistance!
    upsi

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  3. I'm so glad to have found such a supportive network of fellow Truthies!

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  4. Blogger seems to be cranky with WordPress so I always have to post as anonymous, but just wanted to say thank you for the great post and blog, welcome to the journey, bon voyage and good fortune! --joyfulalivewoman

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